<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine you’re walking through a dark alley at night. Suddenly, you see something move.
Your heart starts racing… but it turns out to be just a plastic bag in the wind. You breathe a sigh of relief.
This ‘overestimation of danger’ happens more quickly when we’re scared, or when we’re alert. Perhaps because you’re walking through a shady part of town, or because it’s nighttime rather than daytime. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we’re alert, we’ll more easily make the ‘mistake’ of interpreting a neutral cue as a dangerous cue. <\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Our brain is programmed to protect us, and it sees a weakened bond with your loved one as a potential danger.<\/em> Of course this is tragic. Because these interpretations often lead to the very thing we deep down fear most – disconnection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n By understanding that our brain sometimes raises ‘false alarms’<\/strong>, we can: <\/p>\n\n\n\n So the next time you notice yourself getting triggered, perhaps take a (mental) step back. Imagine you’re walking through a dark alley at night. Suddenly, you see something move. Your heart starts racing… but it turns out to be just a plastic bag in the wind. You breathe a sigh of relief.This ‘overestimation of danger’ happens more quickly when we’re scared, or when we’re alert. Perhaps because you’re walking through a shady part…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3024,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3009","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-30","description-off"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3009","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3009"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3009\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3012,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3009\/revisions\/3012"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3024"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3009"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3009"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/anlacan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3009"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
This is because our brain is mainly programmed to keep us alive<\/em>. In terms of survival, it’s better to misinterpret something safe for something dangerous a hundred times (a hose for a snake), over misinterpreting something dangerous for something safe even once – because that will you get in mortal danger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A deep part of your brain knows that disconnection is dangerous. <\/strong>
When we feel insecure or disconnected, our ‘danger sensors’ are on high alert. We might then:
– Interpret a neutral comment as criticism
– Take a sigh as a sign of dissatisfaction rather than your partner just being tired
– Interpret a frown as anger instead of for instance, them feeling very worried or anxious<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Pause before we react – we can take a break or engage in self-care
2. Ask ourselves: “Is this really what my partner means?”
3. Then, when we aren’t triggered, communicate gently and ask for clarification
4. Take in our partner’s reassurance and soothe our fear together<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take a deep breath, and ask yourself: “What’s really happening here?”
Safety in your relationship is created together. If you can both compassionately create space for each other’s feelings and thoughts, life becomes a place where you’re both welcomed together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"